The S Word

I realized something today.

Well, I knew about it before, but I was in denial.  Today this realization slapped me in the face.

Sleep is NOT a four-letter word.

If you're a parent, I'm pretty sure you've heard of this book...

It is HILARIOUS!  And so true.  If you haven't heard it, check it out on YouTube.

While, yes, I often say this in my head with regards to my boys, it's more me that needs to Go The Fuck To Sleep.

I haven't been valuing sleep like I should.  I always say that I don't want my "me" time to be unconscious...I say it a lot actually.  But now I know that it's something I should not and CANNOT avoid any longer.  I need it.  I REALLY NEED IT!

I need it because I feel that lately I've become that mom who yells.  I don't want to be that mom.  Of course sometimes I need to, but I've been going there a bit too much for my liking in recent days...enough that I notice it.  And I notice how it's affecting my boys.  It doesn't work - well, okay, sometimes it does, but the aftermath isn't worth it.  We all know how important role-modelling is and I've seen Big T start yelling at Little K a bit too much as well these days.

It all comes down to sleep...my lack of it.

Back in May I wrote a post about it; in particular, I wrote an apology to sleep.  Here's what I wrote:

"Dear Sleep,  
I'm sorry.  I was wrong to deny you, to think you aren't important.  I didn't mean to neglect you and I hope you will forgive me.  I like you.  I really do.  I know you're just wanting me to feel good, look good and be a happier mom.  So please accept my apology and in future I promise to appreciate you and even fight for you.  This may take a little time, however, so I hope you'll be patient with me  I realize that as I am writing this, the boys are napping and I should be as well, but as another saying goes:  "Rome wasn't built in a day" and this may apply to me as I get used to it all.  When there's so much to do and so few hours in a day, it will be a challenge to fit you in, but I vow to try.  So here's to us, Sleep.  You and me.  Together we'll be unstoppable!"


Looks like I need to make another apology.  


Here goes:


Dear Sleep,
     It's me again.  I know, I know, I haven't kept my word.  I'm sorry (again).
     I stay up waaaaaay too late.  Even when I know I'm usually awakened each night by one of my boys, and even though I know Big T never sleeps past 6am, I still stay up 'til about 1am.  Okay, sometimes later, but that's only usually when I work really late, like 'til 12am.  I can't just hop into bed when I get home.  I want to check emails, Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest!  For god's sake, Pinterest!
     But I'm not blaming the kids or the fact that I have to work nights (well, only sometimes I am).  I take full responsibility for the 4-5 hours sleep I get each night.
     I guess I'm asking for one more chance, Sleep.  Will you give me one more chance to show you that I value you?  Then will you help my metabolism move at a faster rate?  Will you get rid of the dark circles under my eyes and help with my patience when it comes to my kids...especially Little K who is starting to challenge me (as every 3-yr-old does) when he's never challenged me before?  
     So one more chance, okay, Sleep?  I'll prove to you that I mean this.  Really.  I will.  (Don't look at me like that)
     In Sweet Slumber,  Jill


Phew!  Glad to get that off my chest.


Now I'm going to bed!


Sweet dreams!