Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Speaking For Myself...

I speak for me.

I blog for me.

After some years of blogging for others...mostly my boys, creating what I considered to be their online baby books, telling stories from their early lives for "them" to read when they were older...and for family and friends to read in order for "them" to be kept up to date with the boys' lives...

I decided to stop writing for others and write for myself.

In order to do this, I first needed to let go of the crazy notion that blogging for me and about me was the ultimate in self-centredness.

It's not.

After a while of blogging for me someone mentioned that my blog seemed to be less about my boys, to which I replied with an exuberant, "YES! It's about ME!"

I speak for me.

I blog for me.

Well, mostly.  Let's face it, sometimes the mom in me takes over.  Okay, more than sometimes.  I'm a mom.  It's how I identify myself at this particular time in my life and I'm happy to do it.  So as that mom, I do still blog for them, only it's different than before.

Now when I blog for them, I'm blogging for them to know "me".  For them to know the woman behind the mom, 'cuz I'm pretty sure she's still in there.  I blog for them to know what makes me happy, what I find fun or funny.

I blog for them to know how they make my heart smile wider than it has ever smiled before.

I wish I knew more of my mother in the early years.  I know how much sadness she experienced in her life as an adult, with the loss of two children and a failed marriage, but I wish she could fill me in on a lot of the little things, on her thoughts and how she handled three kids, a dog, all the while being a single mother with no help.  I want the details.

Unfortunately dementia is taking over my Mom's mind, not allowing me in to get to know her more and ask the questions I long to have the answers for.

I guess what it boils down to is ...

I speak for me.

I blog for "us".

I'm linking up with Galit and Nicole


Kristen said...

My dad's father doesn't seem like he was the best person on the planet. He died in his late 40s of a stroke. Sometimes I wonder if he would've shared more about what he was like and what it was like for him growing up, maybe some of that misery wouldn't have been dumped on so many people. I think that you should blog and speak for what your heart leads you too and I think it always shows here. xo

bywordofmouth said...

I love that you 'speak for me, blog for us' ...
Life is always hanging in that elusive balance, but this you have down to perfection!
Thank you for linking into our meme, such a pleasure to have you xxx

shellthings said...

Love that! Your kids will have such an amazing record of who you were before they were old enough to really get to know you as person.

Jenn Fox said...

I love learning about why other people blog. My blog has always been about me . . . self-centred much eh?! Actually, it has always been an outlet for me while dealing with PPD.

It is wonderful that you are speaking for yourself. There is nothing more powerful than feeling like you have a voice and you are using it.

Michelle said...

A gift of yourself...definitely a great reason to blog!

Jennifer S. said...

I had this same thought a few months back! I want Leila to know me as a person, not just her mom. I still blog about our life and that includes her, me, my!

Galit Breen said...

I love how you own this, and what you had to let go of to get to where you are now.

Telling our story, writing our hearts in this way that will give our children glimpses that we're just privy to, is breathtaking, isn't it?

This part: "I speak for me. I blog for "us." - is perfection.