Sunday, May 13, 2012

My Mom - Memories Captured

When I saw that Galit and Alison were having another Memories Captured linky and it coincided with Mother's Day, I just had to share my most favourite picture of my mom.

It was taken when she was 18 and on a bus trip with two of her girlfriends from their home in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada to Vancouver, British Columbia.

This was taken down at English Bay, a place I frequent with my family.  

I'm loving her sexy bikini and head wrap, and the sexy yet coy way she's posing on just some guy's motorcycle on the beach.  Very cool, Mom.  

So many words come to mind as I think of her.  Too many to fit on a single image.

These days, as she sits in her wheelchair in her "apartment" in the care home where she currently resides, dementia takes over.  Good days, bad days and the days in between.

I've been thinking a lot about her and her losses & struggles and - what she would most likely deny - strength.

She says she doesn't know how I do it.

I don't know how she did it...a single mom of 3.

She doesn't remember.

I won't ever forget.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

I love you.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Speaking For Myself...

I speak for me.

I blog for me.

After some years of blogging for others...mostly my boys, creating what I considered to be their online baby books, telling stories from their early lives for "them" to read when they were older...and for family and friends to read in order for "them" to be kept up to date with the boys' lives...

I decided to stop writing for others and write for myself.

In order to do this, I first needed to let go of the crazy notion that blogging for me and about me was the ultimate in self-centredness.

It's not.

After a while of blogging for me someone mentioned that my blog seemed to be less about my boys, to which I replied with an exuberant, "YES! It's about ME!"

I speak for me.

I blog for me.

Well, mostly.  Let's face it, sometimes the mom in me takes over.  Okay, more than sometimes.  I'm a mom.  It's how I identify myself at this particular time in my life and I'm happy to do it.  So as that mom, I do still blog for them, only it's different than before.

Now when I blog for them, I'm blogging for them to know "me".  For them to know the woman behind the mom, 'cuz I'm pretty sure she's still in there.  I blog for them to know what makes me happy, what I find fun or funny.

I blog for them to know how they make my heart smile wider than it has ever smiled before.

I wish I knew more of my mother in the early years.  I know how much sadness she experienced in her life as an adult, with the loss of two children and a failed marriage, but I wish she could fill me in on a lot of the little things, on her thoughts and how she handled three kids, a dog, all the while being a single mother with no help.  I want the details.

Unfortunately dementia is taking over my Mom's mind, not allowing me in to get to know her more and ask the questions I long to have the answers for.

I guess what it boils down to is ...

I speak for me.

I blog for "us".

I'm linking up with Galit and Nicole

Monday, May 7, 2012

The Life & Death of a Roley Poley Bug

I've heard them called Pill bugs, Potato bugs, Sow bugs, Wood louses.

In our house, we refer to them as Roley Poley bugs.

If you're my Little K, however, you call them "My friend(s)"... at least this Spring he's calling them that.  It wasn't long ago he was squishing them under his Lightening McQueen running shoe with what seemed like a little too much zeal for my liking.

We've finally been having some decent weather up here in beautiful British Columbia.  It's been warm enough to head outside, just puttering around the house, which is something I've grown to love, especially since I've started a herb garden.

My boys have been enjoying it as well and the other day Little K noticed a couple of Roley Poley bugs at the side of the garage and called me over.  There were two at the spot where he was...both lying on their backs.  One bug's legs were flailing; the other's legs were still.

Since I'm really trying to instill compassion in my boys these days and to think of others besides themselves (because let's face it, they've got that down pat), I immediately got a small stick and showed him how to help his 'lil friend over onto its feet.

I told him that if we didn't help this 'lil bug off its back, it would die, just as the other one beside it had.

That was basically that and we went on with our day, playing in the sunshine with some friends.

Later that same evening, I was tidying up outside when Little K headed over to the spot he had earlier seen his Roley Poley bug friend.  He immediately came running over to me with the saddest expression on his face, tears welling up in his blue eyes, and cried: "My friend died!"

It took a while to console him.  It was very sweet.  He seemed to feel real grief over the loss of his 'lil buggie buddy.

As I carried him inside, wiping his tears, I thought to myself (with a little dread, I must admit) that I should say something about death and where I believe people/bugs go when they die.  I'm not a religious person but more spiritual and feel that Heaven is here on earth, but that's a bit of a hard concept for a 3-yr-old, in my opinion, and I didn't want to fall back on speaking about Heaven in the traditional sense.

I ended up saying things like: "Your friend had a wonderful life." and "He was so lucky to have a friend like you"...both of which are completely true....well, the wonderful life part, I just imagined.

I asked him if his 'lil friend was there or was he just gone and he wailed "Heeeee's goooonnnneee!"  So then I was able to calm him with, "Well, what makes you think he's died?  Maybe he just went home?"  Upon hearing that, he relaxed and was finally soothed and even laughed a little.

I must say, seeing him with so much compassion and grief over what he thought was his friend dying, was pretty adorable.  It was so unexpected, but a welcome sight as I'm forever telling my boys that we don't kill anything...especially when we're outside in the bug's/worm's/ bee's environment.  (Unless you're a mosquito, a flea or a fruit fly...then you're toast.)

It did make me think though that it's time I get prepared to share my beliefs about what happens to us when we die.  I know what I believe, but to put it in a way that a child will understand seems quite the challenge.

But then again, what part of parenting isn't a challenge?

Friday, May 4, 2012

Potty Talk

I don't know about your house, but some of the best conversations around here happen in the bathroom.


Hopefully you understood most of that.  

Just another thing I can tuck away in my "Ways To Embarrass Your Kids When They're Older" file.  At least I started the video after he did his business.  I'm a good mom like that.